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I have an idea for Homeland Security. Seems they're having trouble telling the real terrorists from the innocent ones. They have to rely on members of the community, using very subtle clues and their highly refined sense of these things to tell them about people who must be terrorists. These accusations, no matter how far-fetched, should of course all be investigated to the fullest possible extent - no matter the cost of doing so - because, well, we can't have terrorists running amok in our community, chanting their evil spells, corrupting our morals, and making everyone very uncomfortable.

But how to tell for sure they are really terrorists? I have a simple test that I think should be foolproof. Throw the suspected terrorist in a large tub of water. We all know that terrorists float, so if the suspect drowns, then we know he is innocent. But if he survives, it's off to Gitmo.


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