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This is the archive for October 2006

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Seems that Daniel Drezner fancies himself the new Nostrodamus. He predicted that Mel Gibson would go to rehab. Check. He predicted that Gibson would issue multiple contrite apologies. Check. That he would cry on Diane Sawhorse's shoulder. Check.

Ah, but his whole reputation now rests on the prediction that Mel's upcoming movie Apocolypto will bomb. What a Piker! No real Nostradamus would make a prediction that was so easily testable, let alone one that would only have one opportunity to come true.

You have to hedge your bets if you want to be the next Nostro. What if the movie is a smash? What are the chances that 200 years from now, another Guy named Mel Gibson is going to get drunk, bash the Jews, and cry on something called TV while being interviewed by someone named Diane? Not likely, and by then he'd be out in the cold, just another Jeane Dixon, gone and forgotten after a brief moment in the sun.

No, a Nostrodamus with real staying power would phrase it more like this:
--The Warrior in a stupor on the Road
--As a child taught the ways of the world
--Healed by a dozen, and Saw the light
--Sorrow redeems, yet diminished in a box.

That's... um... let's see.... Century 6...no, wait, Century VI, Canto XIX of my upcoming book....

"Road Warrior" could mean Mel Gibson getting a DUI, the rest could mean that Mel blamed his father for what he said, it could mean that he went to a 12-step program and then cried for Saw(yer) in front of the hot TV lights, but that it wasn't enough to save his movie's box office take.

And if that doesn't happen? This quatrain gives our intrepid prognosticator several more grabs for the gold ring. Suppose the Republicans lose big in the elections (ballot box), because of born-again, son of a former President, war mongering George Bush and his DUI history, along with the Mark Foley scandal? Especially if Foley cries his regrets and is acquitted by a jury (of 12)?

Check! We're covered!

I bet we can make this apply to the war in Iraq, and maybe even Kimmie's Bomb. I leave that as an exercise for the reader. And who knows what will happen in the next few hundred years? Whatever happens, I bet this will have predicted at least some of it. And for bonus points, I think I'll write it in French, then have it translated to English via Latin and Swahili. That way, even the words themselves can mean anything I want them to.

See how easy it is? You too can be the next great seer for the ages, you just have to apply the right spin - proactively of course.

Hat Tip: the Insta-man